The Look of Sheer Fright

Today I witnessed the look of sheer fright. Don't worry.. it was a good thing... When I got to the hospital, Dr. Patel (my absolute favorite NICU doctor at Clear Lake) had just made his rounds and came over to talk to me about the girls. He said last night they both took their first bottle and did great so they were up'ing the bottle feedings to 2 a day and we could try to bottle feed them. I was so excited. He said as long as they continued to do well, they would add another bottle feed each day and then he said and they might be able to come home next weekend. I must have had a confused look on my face because then he repeated, not this weekend but next weekend. I couldn't quit grinning ear to ear. I was shocked I wasn't expecting them till the end of April at the earliest. Dusty and I had come in separate cars and as soon as Dr. Patel said that Dusty came around the corner. Dr. Patel looked at me and said "I'll let you tell that one." I just laughed and thought, this is going to be fun.... Dusty came over and I filled him in on the bottle feeds and then I broke the news to him. That my friends is when I saw the look of sheer fright on his face. It was priceless. Once Dusty started breathing again, we gave the girls a bottle. When we first got there, they were both wide awake. By the time, we took their temperature, changed their diapers and got them out of the bed, the eyes were starting to close. Brooklyn did pretty good on the bottle. She would sit there for a minute of doing nothing and then chug it down. Brylee took the slower approach and nursed it drop by drop. She didn't finish all of it but for only her second bottle ever, I think she did great. Over the next few days, they will hopefully continue to increase the number of bottle feeds and be home sooner than we know it. I can't wait!

Hardest Day Yet

Yesterday was rough. I mean I knew in the beginning it would be hard leaving the girls at the hospital while I went home to my cozy bed every day but yesterday it hit home. A little over a year ago I watched my sister do it day after day for four months and wondered how can she possibly be that strong. I had a renewed appreciation and respect for her after watching her drive to Texas Children's every day, pay the ridiculous parking fee, visit my adorable nephew and then head home to go to work the next day and then right back up to the hospital and do it again.

When we first started leaving them, it wasn't as bad as I had built it up to be. Don't get me wrong... it was hard but each time we left, they were both sound asleep and it was kinda like we were putting them to bed knowing we would be right back in the morning when they woke up. But yesterday was different.

We didn't get there until close to shift change so didn't have time to take them out and hold them. So, we just opened the tiny doors, held their hands and talked to them for a little bit. Brooklyn was crashed out (as normal) most of the time we were there. Brylee however, after a good 10 minutes of making crazy faces and stretching like you wouldn't believe finally decided to wake up (she is proving she is more and more like her dad every day). And once she woke up, it was game on. When it came time to leave, she was wide-eyed staring us down and it was so hard to walk away from that little angel looking at us and pushing her hand against the glass. It was by far the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I can't even imagine their first day of school...

Push Presents

Before pregnancy if you had asked me what "push" present was, I would have come up with some crazy answer that probably made no sense to anyone. But thanks to my wonderful pregnant friend, Becky, she was kind enough to advise myself (and more importantly, Dusty) that this is a present that the dad is suppose to get for the mom when she has the baby (or in my case, babies... does that mean I get two???)

So, in the months before the girls arrived, I started to ponder just what I wanted for my push present. My first request was a pool which quickly got shot down by Dusty. I think I deserve a pool as do my friends that would happily help me enjoy it. I didn't think this was out of the question since we have been discussing a pool and besides, with everything I have gone through in the last 3 years (yes, we had been trying for 3 years)... horribly sick in the first few months, bed rest the last 3 weeks, week in the hospital before they were born, and then all the things that NO ONE tells you happen to your body until after the fact (maybe because people just wouldn't have kids).. I thought I deserved a pool. But like I said, shot down.

My next request was a necklace. A few months ago I had seen a commercial for the Open Heart collection which I thought was perfect since it is 2 hearts and we were having 2 girls. I even showed Dusty which one I wanted and then patiently waited... and waited... and waited... By the time the girls had arrived, I had given up on the necklace. I would just have to buy it myself until the last day in the hospital, I came back from the bathroom and there on the bed was a little black box. Not sure what reminded him (possibly his mom since she had been there the day before and they had disappeared for quite a while the day before). Nonetheless, I have an amazing husband and mother-in-law.

Which brings me to the real reason for this post. I have an amazing mother-in-law. Today, Dusty and I both got "push" presents from his mom. He got a plumber bill paid for the busted pipes at the lake house. I got a gift certificate for a massage. Today... it is a great day to be me!

Cuddle time

Today the girls were actually getting along and when we put them back in their bed, they latched on to each other and were holding hands. Makes me feel a little better that they actually might get along with each other.

Moving Day!

Today they moved the girls together. They are off all the IV's and only have a feeding tube still in. I have to say I am excited about the big move but it does come with challenges. Now since they are in the same bed, we can only have two people visiting at a time which will make it a little more difficult for visitors because we all know how much Dusty likes to share. Hopefully, the girls like sharing because it is going to be tight quarters in their crib.

Above, we have Brylee peacefully sleeping before the big announcement.

Brooklyn took the news well. She just stayed asleep. Then we have Brylee after we told her the big news (hence the photo). She immediately woke up and as you can tell, she isn't thrilled about the announcement. Probably even had a few flash backs of the days when she was squished on the bottom and got kicked on a regular basis by Brooklyn. That was probably why they came so early because she couldn't handle the sharing any longer and had to get out... Boy, this is going to be a long next few weeks in the bed together.

They also got to wear their first outfits today. They were a little big to say the least. When we first got there, I couldn't even see Brylee's arms buried somewhere deep in the outfit. Brooklyn fit a little better in hers. Brylee is in pink and Brooklyn in purple. First, there was a nice kick to the gut and then they were happily sleeping.

Already has Dad wrapped around her little finger

This is one of my favorite pictures so far. Brooklyn already has Dusty wrapped around her little finger. :-)


The girls are doing great. They are back up to their birth weight and both tolerating feedings. Brooklyn will be off all the IV's and monitors tonight and hopefully, Brylee is one day behind her. After that, the girls will just have their feeding tubes. The nurses say that they might even be able to be moved into the same bed by next week.

We visit them every day and alternate who holds who. Yesterday was the first day I held Brooklyn and she actually was awake. I think she spent the entire hour staring at me. Today, I held wide-eyed Brylee. It is amazing how in that hour nothing else in life matters.

As for me, I am finally getting to be a little more mobile and hopefully, next week will be back to my normal self. Here is a picture of tired mom and Brooklyn. Although, sleeping in bed all day and Dusty taking care of the cooking and cleaning is pretty nice so maybe it will be another week or so... ;-)

Making Progress

This week has been full of events and I can't say thanks enough for all the thoughts and prayers for the girls. Deciding on names was a lot for stressful than I could have ever imagined. A c-section was nothing like I expected and still can't figure out how these two little ones (as small as they are) came out of that slit in my belly.

I am finally back home and sleeping in my own bed. Not only was it hard to leave the girls but now, my meals and round the clock care has shifted to Dad's duties so we will see how that goes. It has been a much harder adjustment for Dusty. For the last 3 months, I have gotten used to waking up every 2 hours to eat and go tot the bathroom so my sleep schedule is fairly normal for my new lifestyle. His on the other hand is far from it and I think it has been a difficult adjustment. His mom was down for a few days and the last few hours before we took her to the airport, in the middle of a conversation, he passed out on the bed. I felt bad and know he is tired so hopefully, he can get some rest before the girls come home.


Both girls are doing well. Both are breathing on their own and just have the c-pac to help them with the pressure. Brooklyn might get hers off today and Brylee soon after. They also started to feed Brooklyn yesterday and will increase feeding amounts as the days go on. They might try to feed Brylee today.

Yesterday I was actually able to hold Brooklyn and can't even begin to describe the feeling. She just curled up and fell right asleep on me. I didn't want to leave. I have to admit I felt a little bad for Dusty. He has done so good with all the changes and been there every step of the way and he just had to sit next to me and watch me hold Brooklyn. I know inside he was just dying to hold her but he just sat back and watched. Hopefully, today I will get to hold Brylee and Dusty can hold Brooklyn.

The End of a Weekend but the Beginning of a Whole New Life

On Sunday, I was feeling much better after a horrible weekend of being sick most of the time. I was finally not taking nausea medicine and got the energy to get a shower. Yes, I had been in the hospital since Tuesday and had not gotten a shower so I apologize for all who came to visit.

Earlier that afternoon, Dusty had ran home to get a few things and when he returned he was holding the girls diaper bag. I asked him why he brought that in and he said he wasn't sure but he would take it back to the car. Didn't need more stuff in the room than we already had. Even though I had only been there 5 days, it was starting to look like I was living there. After that conversation, I didn't think much about the diaper bag again.

So, around 10pm, I finally got up, got a shower, even dried my hair. I was feeling much better and actually was starting to look and feel like myself (minus the 40 pounds of belly I was hauling around). The nurse came in and I gave her some Girl Scout cookies that Deborah had brought up to the hospital. I told her to enjoy and they would help keep her awake tonight when she got bored. She gave me an Ambien because it had really helped me sleep the other night and I decided I could really use a good nights sleep. Boy, I had no idea what was in store for me. About 10:45pm I was happily drifting into a good nights sleep when I felt a slight pull. I wasn't sure what it was and just hugged my boppie a little tighter and closed my eyes. At that point, I felt the strangest sensation. I was fairly sure I had just pee'ed on myself. I thought to myself, silly Jessica, it must be the medicine just close your eyes and go to sleep. Then it kept going and going and going and finally, I rolled over and looked at Dusty and said I think I just pee'ed on myself or my water just broke. He just kinda stared at me and asked do you want me to get the nurse? I thought to myself. What kind of question is that? Uh, yeah.

They came and said yep, looks like your water broke. They did a swab to test the fluid to make sure and it came back negative. At this point, I was still gushing and thought to myself, if this is just pee, we have a serious problem. They did the test a second time and it came back positive so they called the doctor to see what she wanted to do. Now, I admit, I'm not the most knowledgable when it comes to doctor stuff, but do you really have a choice at this point? They came back in and said the doctor was on her way up to the hospital. I wasn't really feeling contractions or at least not where you normally feel them. I could feel the pressure in my head each time I had one which had been happening for a few days already. They gave me some medicine, Dusty started packing and called my mom and I just sat there waiting. It was much calmer than I ever would have imagined. However, I am sure had that incident happened at home, it would have been a much different story.

Within an hour, I was already in the delivery room, Dusty was all geared up and they were delivering two little angels. I got to see them for a second but between the epideral and Ambein, I was a little out of it. Dusty and my mom got to see them and then they took them to NICU.

4 days later I am at home and a little sore but still can't believe the events of this last week. It doesn't seem real just yet and I can't wait to bring the angels home.

It's Official!

Brooklyn Marie (formerly Baby B) was born 3/7/11 at 1:08am 3 lb 8 oz, 16 1/4 inches long.

Brylee Elizabeth (formerly Baby A) was born on Monday 3/7/11 at 1:07am 3lb 5 oz and 15 1/2 inches long.

Still hanging out in the hospital

After my amazing night of sleep on Wednesday, things went downhill really quickly. Thursday I started getting really bad headaches anytime I laid down. Then I was sick Friday and Saturday. Friday they gave me Phenegren which only made things worse. Not only was I still sick but I couldn't keep my legs still (which made for a great night of sleep for Dusty). The next night they gave me Zofran and Ambein and things were much better. I convinced Dusty to go home for a night so he could sleep in his own bed and keep Simba company. Apparently, sometimes with twins if you were sick during your first trimester, you can get sick again the last trimester. Just another thing that they don't tell you when you sign up for this.

Today I feel much better just really tired. Hopefully, the sickness is gone and I can hang in a little bit longer.

Hospital Stories (so good you can't make this stuff up)

I went to see Dr. Rowe Tuesday morning. I knew things had changed. I was getting up every 30 minutes to go to the bathroom so the space in their was definitely limited and every time I rolled over or attempted to roll over, it was a 10 minute process to say the least.

Once at Dr. Rowe's office, he said my cervix had shortened to 1.2 (it had been 2.4 a week before) and as they were attempting to do the ultrasound, I was having contractions every 1-2 minutes. The fluid had gone from 31 the week before to 38 (30 is too much). He said he was admitting me to the hospital. The good thing was that Baby B is 3lbs 9 oz and Baby A is at least 2 lb 14 oz. She was so low and the contractions were so often, they couldn't get a good measurement.

Once I got to the hospital, they put me on an IV and some meds to slow the contractions. He wants to drain some of the fluid on Wednesday so that I can make it a little longer.

I got my own room and there is an extra bed for Dusty. As he is settling in, he turns to me and says "I know this kinda sucks for you, but it's kinda like vacation for me." I look over at him and he is sipping his free coffee the nurses gave him, playing with the adjustable bed to make sure his bed and feet are at the right height, getting the wireless connected on his laptop, flipping through channels on the tv and looking at the window at his view. Rough life I told him. I rolled over and went to sleep (but of course not after stopping at the bathroom along the way).

Later my mom and Deborah came up to the hospital. They, of course, asked about names. Why does everyone keep asking??? What is wrong with Baby A and Baby B? Anyway, they decided to put a bunch of names in a hat and draw two. Of course, no paper and no hat so the next thing that happens is Dusty is writing names on a paper towel and stuffing them in the container that usually has water in it. I am sure this gave some of the names a definite advantage as they weren't the ones sticking to the container, but I guess you could say it was survival of the fittest. This would have been a good plan but there were also some names that Dusty just threw in for fun and weren't on the approved list, so needless to say, still Baby A and Baby B.

Wednesday morning we met with Dr. Rowe again and decided draining the fluid would be the best option. The risk is that I could go into labor but without doing it, that was probably going to happen anyway. I ended up doing it around 4pm. We gave me some drugs but apparently not enough the first go round. I was pretty coherent when they were draining the fluid from the first spot and so they gave me some more meds before the starting the second. At least, that is what I think happened. I remember coming back to my room, rolling into bed and Dusty saying he was leaving but my mom was coming up. The next thing I remember is halfway opening my eyes, seeing my mom standing over me and she just kept asking questions. I am not sure I really knew what she was asking so I just kept saying "I don't know". Note to self and everyone else who has a mother, when you get out of a procedure that involves the well-being of their daughter and future grand kids, do not keep telling someone you don't know. Especially, when they are asking, how did it go, what did the doctor say, how do you feel, your phone is ringing off the hook (I sincerely apologize to everyone who called and thought I was in labor. We will have a better plan for that in the future). Once Dusty got here, he gave my mom the update. They drained 2 liters of fluid, level was down from 38 to 18 and babies were good and still inside. Obviously, the last being the best part.

The second best part was that Wednesday night I slept 6 hours straight until the nurse had to come wake me up to give me my medicine. That hasn't happened in months and I couldn't feel better! Today I am feeling a million times better. My belly is not a rock but soft and squishy like it probably should have been the last few weeks. Friday morning they are going to do an ultrasound and remeasure the fluid to see if it is staying down. That will probably determine my fate the next few weeks. Originally, Dr. Rowe said I would probably be here a few days. I now think he lied which was probably smart on his behalf because sometimes I can be a little stubborn. However, today I had lunch with the other girls on the floor. Apparently every Thursday, they wheel everyone who wants to go into the same room and let them talk to each other. After hearing their stories, I realized this may be a while. All of them are having twins, not as far along as me and have been here minimum 2 weeks, one over a month. Also,
my regular OB Dr. Choy came in and said she thinks I might have to stay till the girls arrive. Which probably isn't a bad idea. I mean, someone makes me breakfast, lunch and dinner. I just eat and sleep and don't have to come up with an excuse why I didn't fix my hair today. Maybe Dusty was right and I should consider it a vacation. We will see what tomorrow brings.

Thanks for everyone who is keeping us in their thoughts and prayers. These two little ones are going to be surrounded by a life full of happiness and joy, just hopefully, not for another few weeks.


And just for an even funnier twist on these events, you can read Deb's version of what happened. She is a much better writer than me and much funnier. www.debintexas.blogspot.com